Gypsy Cats and Dog Pussy

I mentioned before that I am dating an Iranian man. This is hilarious. The thing is, while I wouldn't put it past me to briefly date someone especially to piss off my parents, I actually kind of like this Iranian character (let's call him Bahram). But I get the added bonus of pissing off my parents and shocking my Jewish coworkers.

The only questionable thing about Mr. Bahram is his nasty but occasional habit of stereotyping- something I never do of course. The other day I had a bit of a long day and Bahram and I went out for a few drinks and when I told him about my day he asked, "and the kids are rude, right? I mean a little bit..." (read: because they are Jews). I looked at him in disbelief and said, "Well, no. I mean they are talkative, but for the most part they are lovely and wonderful." He laughed and looked embarassed. He also made this one small comment about women. Being a feminist and perhaps overly sensitive, I started laughing nervously over my sake and giving him the wild eye. "You're laughing," he said, "and not in a good way."

We've talked about it.

Anyway, last night Bahram and I met for a drink. And he told me two stories I will never forget.

"In Tehran my dad had this dog, right? She was one of those curly dogs. And my bad dad, he named her 'dog pussy.' Of course, I was really little and I didn't know what it meant. Anyway, my parents moved to an apartment and they tried to keep her but finally the landlord made them get rid of dog pussy. So my dad, he gave her to his best friend. And he went to visit this friend in the country seven years later, when the dog was old and blind. And before he got to the house, when he was still walking in the street, the old blind dog pussy threw herself against the masonry trying to get to my dad. It was incredible."

Ok, should I be worried that his dad named their dog "dog pussy?" Mostly I think it's hilarious and shows a good sense of humor. One small part of me is concerned. He goes on.

"No, dogs are cool, you know? But then there was this cat in our neighborhood. She was this gypsy cat, you know? She didn't have a home. She was with like every boy cat in the neighborhood. I mean that's why I call her a gypsy cat. Anyway, she had these kittens. She had three of them. And then she died. I guess she was just old, like I had known gypsy cat f-o-r-e-v-e-r. And two of the kittens, we didn't know where they went. But she had hidden one of the kitties under our table in the backyard. On purpose, you know? So we could take care of it. So I came home from school one day and my mom was trying to take the kitten out of the yard and I said, 'no, mom, what are you doing? Let me keep the poor little kitten.' So at first the kitten cried a lot. Every sound she heard, she thought it was her mom. But I fed her and cared for her and held her and loved her and after a few days she knew I was her mom. And for months I took care of her, and I was her mom, and then she became like 4 or 5 months old. And then she discovered what was a boy cat and she left. She just left and never came back. I never saw her again. Since then I hate cats, because of that gypsy cat and her baby that left me when she found out about boys. But dogs, like my dad's 'dog pussy,' they are loyal and they never forget you."

Ok, maybe I should mostly be shocked at his comparison of the slutty, homeless cat to gypsies. But actually I find this story entirely endearing. What, exactly, does that make me? I can't wait to take Bahram to my school and family functions! It's going to be almost as great as blowing the shofar!!!